Supporting our parents through the challenges of later life comes with significant emotional, physical, and logistical demands that can leave us feeling very stretched – especially if you’re also juggling other responsibilities like work or children – or both!
It’s easy to neglect our own wellbeing in the process, but carer burnout is a serious issue that can impact both your health and your ability to provide continued support. Taking time for yourself to recharge your batteries and do things you love isn’t selfish; it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup and, if you are their main pillar of support, you are essentially their lifeline. You wouldn’t neglect the maintenance of a machine that provides life support – and the same should go for yourself.
Here are eight practical ways to find balance and protect your wellbeing, so you can continue to provide support without burning out.
Get organised and set routines
Well thought-out organisation and structure is key to reducing overwhelm and creating a sense of stability.
- Plan your weeks in detail, prioritising tasks based on urgency and importance. Theming your days – e.g., Mondays for appointments, Wednesdays for errands – can help streamline responsibilities.
- As well as using a digital calendar, you might find writing things down in a planner like this one can help. Research suggests that writing things down with paper and pen reinforces memory and reduces stress.
- Write a list of things you CAN allow others to do instead (taking your parent outside, spending time with them while you take a break, internet research for things you think would be beneficial (products / respite care etc).
- Write your OWN goals for the coming 6 months or so, break them down into small, achievable steps, then make them reality as part of your routine. Ensure spending time with others is on your list.
Keep (or build) a positive mindset
A positive outlook doesn’t mean ignoring difficulties, but rather finding things that bring you joy, peace or comfort and making them part of your daily life.
This might be joining an art class once a week, going on guided walks in RHS gardens, or reading a poem a day – all examples of activities that have been found to improve your overall wellbeing.
Find ways to laugh more. Caring can feel overwhelming, but laughter is a powerful stress reliever. Seek out a comedian you love, watch their shows, or visit a comedy club with a friend – or maybe even your parent – for a shared bonding experience.
Find ‘your people’ that you can lean on
As the late Jim Rohn (entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker) said “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.
If you are struggling to connect to people you already know, consider joining a class, attending local support groups, or engaging with online communities. From the catharsis of sharing the pain and heartache, to getting recommendations for product and services that could help you, you really can find incredible support online, tailored to your exact situation. Learn more on how to build your support system.
Dedicate time to self-care
When we’re caring for others, we must set aside time for self-care.
There are two types of self-care, and both are important. The first is unwinding on your own – taking a hot bath, reading, journaling, or engaging in any activity that helps you relax and recharge. The second is allowing someone else to care for you.
Allocate time each week – even if it’s just an hour – for you to be cared for. This could be getting a massage, visiting the hairdresser, or any experience where you can fully receive care and attention from someone else.
Prioritise movement
Movement isn’t just about fitness; it’s about mental clarity and emotional resilience, and should be non-negotiable part of your routine.
Find a local, regular exercise class that’s doable and commit to attending weekly. Consistency is key, so block it in your diary and set an alarm to book it every week.
If classes aren’t your thing, try walking, stretching, gentle yoga or whatever works for you.
The movement should be enjoyable, and not another source of stress.
Sleep well
Good quality sleep is absolutely essential for healthy ageing and mental clarity, so it pays to create the best environment possible for sleep quality.
Sticking to a regular sleep pattern can make a big difference. Ideally, aim to be asleep between 10-11pm, as research shows this aligns well with our body’s natural circadian rhythm and is the optimal bedtime for adults.
Make sure your bedroom is set up for a sound night sleep – keep it cool, dark, and quiet, and invest in a comfortable mattress and pillows. Consider using blackout curtains, white noise machines, or an eye mask if needed.
Establish a calming bedtime routine: avoid screen time after 9pm, drink some camomile tea, and turn down bright lights.
And lastly, if you’re really struggling with sleep – either falling sleep or waking in the night – seek help from a doctor. Sleep issues are common among carers, and solutions exist.
Get outside
Nature has proven benefits for stress relief and mental health.
Sunlight is the best natural source of vitamin D, which is vital for your immune system, bone health, and mood regulation.
Trees release chemicals called phytoncides, which help reduce stress and boost our wellbeing.
Find a way to get outdoors – ideally to a park or woodland – for at least 10 – 30 minutes a day, or as often as you can.
A walk through the park or woods will help you stay active, and listening to that hilarious podcast or affirming audiobook you’ve been meaning to read at the same time, can provide 3 valuable ways to support your wellbeing in one easy routine change!
Learn to say no
Taking on too much can lead to exhaustion. It’s not always easy, but setting boundaries is a must.
You don’t have to do everything alone. Learning to say no is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness. If something doesn’t align with your capacity or wellbeing, delegate or decline without guilt. Learn more about setting boundaries with ageing parents.
In summary
Supporting our parents through the challenges of old age is a big responsibility, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own health and happiness. Careful organisation, keeping a positive mindset, prioritising self-care, staying active, sleeping well, and spending time outdoors will help you create a sustainable balance between supporting them well and looking after yourself.
Common questions
- How do I stop feeling guilty about taking time for myself?
Remind yourself that caring for your own wellbeing makes you a better carer. Guilt is common, but it’s misplaced – think of self-care as essential maintenance rather than indulgence.
- What if I don’t have anyone to help me?
Many carers feel isolated, but support exists. Reach out to local carer groups, explore online forums, and consider respite care options. Learn more about building a support network.
- How can I talk to my parent about needing help?
Honest, compassionate communication is key. Explain that sharing responsibilities benefits both of you, and emphasise that getting help allows you to be a better support for them in the long run.
