Amid the daily pressures of caring for older relatives, many of us struggle to find even a moment to look after ourselves. Yet the stress, worry and emotional labour that caring brings puts us at real risk of burnout.
Over the past year, Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) – sometimes referred to as therapeutic shaking or neurogenic tremoring – has been quietly trending on TikTok, with advocates claiming it can help ease everything from chronic tension to anxiety. But can it also support those of us juggling the physical and emotional demands of caring?
According to certified TRE practitioner Sylvia Tillman, the answer is yes.
Having supported clients for years, she unexpectedly found herself leaning on the technique when caring for her mother after a hospital stay.
We spoke to Sylvia about what TRE actually involves, why self-care feels so elusive for carers, and how the practice helped her stay grounded – and be a better carer – during this period of her life.
Tell us about your experience caring for your mum
“I recently spent a period of time looking after my mum after her stay in hospital after femur surgery. Thankfully, she didn’t need care in the traditional sense – ‘just’ household and admin assistance.
I really put my mum on priority and I didn’t have much time for myself, because I was still seeing clients. The days passed so quickly. Suddenly it was 10pm again – and I hadn’t even started with the chores on my own to-do list.”
During this time, I kept two diaries – one for my work and one for all her appointments, for example with her GP, physio, health insurance, suppliers for house adaptations, and support agencies.”
What were some of the surprising positives about caring for your mum?
“How ‘natural’ and rewarding it felt being able to support mum and to spend much more quality time with her than on a ‘normal’ visit.
We’ve always had a good relationship, but like many mothers and daughters, sometimes ‘stuff’ can get in the way.
This time our interactions felt more loving and positive, mum expressed her gratitude even more and I felt genuinely ‘useful’ being able to step in with practical support.”
Why do you think self-care is so hard for carers to prioritise?
“Many carers, especially those looking after elderly parents, don’t feel they have permission to take time for themselves. We often picture self-care as something that involves money, long stretches of time or going somewhere else – things that simply aren’t available when you’re caring.
Caring is all-consuming. It can feel impossible, even selfish, to put yourself first when someone else relies on you.”
For those who haven’t heard of it, what exactly is TRE?
“Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) is a body-based practice developed by Dr David Berceli. It’s rooted in the idea that all mammals have an innate shaking reflex designed to discharge stress after intense experiences. If you’ve ever seen a dog shake after a fright, that’s the same mechanism.
A TRE session begins with simple warm-up movements – a bit like gentle yoga – followed by a phase where the body naturally begins to tremor. Every person tremors differently; your body releases what it’s ready to release.
Although TRE was originally designed for people with big-T trauma, many people use it to release day-to-day stress and physical tension. And the beauty is that it doesn’t require a huge time commitment. A few minutes can make a noticeable difference.
When we allow the body to release tension, the nervous system settles. Aches, digestive issues, anxiety, sleep and feelings or anger can all improve. People often report feeling calmer, clearer and more grounded afterwards.”
What did TRE feel like the very first time you tried it?
“Admittedly a bit odd – I had never lain on my back, like a beetle, shaking.
That was what my mind thought – my body felt great, though. Afterwards I was extremely relaxed, like just after a spa treatment and I slept incredibly well that night.”
How did TRE help you while you were caring for your mum?
“I’m sure every daughter reading this will understand how challenging it can be to be around one’s mum and how family dynamics can play a role.
While I was with Mum, I gave myself permission to pause for a short TRE practice – literally a few minutes — sometimes even while we were sitting together in the garden. It was enough to notice a shift.
On really busy days it didn’t always happen during the day, but I would do a short practice in bed just before sleep. I could feel the tension melting, my lower back releasing, and – the best bit – I became so much more patient and kinder. My mum’s partner even commented on the difference.”
Why do you think TRE works particularly well for busy carers?
“Caring asks for your whole self: your energy, your attention, your emotions. Adding another task to your list can feel overwhelming, but TRE is something your body already knows how to do.
It isn’t talk therapy. You don’t have to revisit painful memories or explain anything. You simply let your body unwind.
The practice is incredibly flexible. You can do it lying on a yoga mat or even on your bed. You can practise while sitting if you prefer. You don’t need equipment or special clothing. And once you’ve learned it safely, it’s yours for life.
When your own system is regulated, you can meet the demands of caring with more resilience. You show up with more patience and presence – which makes a huge difference, both to you and the person you’re caring for.
Caring for older relatives can be emotionally difficult, even if you don’t label it as trauma. TRE offers a way to reconnect with a sense of calm, not by escaping your responsibilities, but by reclaiming a small piece of yourself within them.”
Are there any precautions or situations where TRE isn’t recommended?
“That’s a great and very important question, because TRE is much more than a ‘wee shake’. I don’t teach anybody who’s pregnant, has epilepsy, is on certain medication etc. and I ask all my clients to complete a health questionnaire.”
How can someone find a qualified TRE instructor in the UK?
“This is so important as learning TRE safely and in a trauma-informed way is key. Much of what you see on social media isn’t even TRE and can potentially be re-traumatising.
The best place to find fully qualified TRE Providers is here: https://treglobal.org/tre-provider-list“
Lastly, what message would you share with anyone caring for a parent and feeling overwhelmed?
“You’ve probably heard it before and yes, it sounds like a cliché, but it is so true: You can’t pour from an empty cup and you need to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others. Self-care is essential. And it supports not just yourself, but also the parent you are caring for.
Finding a self-care modality that truly works for you and doesn’t take much time can really make a real difference.”
About Sylvia
Sylvia Tillman is a holistic well-being practitioner and certified Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) provider based in Ramsgate, East Kent, who mainly teaches online. She supports clients whose stress and tension shows up in their bodies as physical aches and pains or emotionally as anxiety, irritability or anger.
You can read more about how TRE works, discover links to studies and videos, and get in touch with Sylvia on her website: Tremendous TRE.
