Reviewed by Apple Jacobe
Choosing the right carer for your parent or elder relative can feel daunting, and it’s a process that requires thoughtful consideration and discussion.
In this article, we’ll explore what you need to consider when reviewing carer profiles and interviewing a carer for your parent or elder relative, to increase the chances of finding a good fit – both in terms of skills and personality.
Note: This article provides tips on choosing a carer. If you’re just starting your search and are looking for information on the different routes for finding a carer, have a look at this article here.
Before you begin
Put yourself in your parent’s shoes
Your parent may feel anxious about needing care. Being cared for is an intimate experience. They might be concerned about losing their independence, privacy, and dignity, especially if personal care will be involved.
It’s important to acknowledge and address these fears openly. Reassure your parent that their preferences and needs will be respected throughout the process, emphasising that the goal is to support their independence and quality of life, not diminish it.
Establish exactly what they need
If you haven’t already, make sure you have a clear and agreed understanding of your parent or elder relative’s needs.
Beyond personal care and medication management, and the basics you would expect, think about their interests, and what they would enjoy in terms of companionship and activities that could enhance their quality of life.
Would they prefer someone who shares their hobbies or interests? Would they benefit from a carer who can engage them in meaningful conversations, games, or outings? For example, if they love gardening, having a carer who can help with this could make a significant difference.
Don’t overlook personality and communication style
Would they want a chatty carer who can keep up an engaging conversation, or would that drive them nuts? Would they instead prefer someone calm and quiet, who respects their need for space?
Unless it isn’t possible, have a detailed conversation with your parent about this and write down what they say in front of them. This will show them that their preferences are being taken seriously and allow you to consistently communicate these needs to prospective carers, setting realistic expectations from the beginning.
Reviewing profiles
First impressions
Trust your instincts. You know your parent, so take into account what would make them feel comfortable.
Consider factors like age, gender, ethnicity, religion, or cultural background if these are important to your parent. For example, your parent might feel more at ease with a carer of the same gender, or they may have specific preferences based on shared cultural or religious practices. These personal elements can significantly influence the quality of the caregiving relationship.
Qualifications
Not all care roles require specific certifications, but formal training can be a sign of dedication and competence. A caregiver who has invested time in education is likely to take their responsibilities seriously and will be better prepared to handle complex situations. That’s worth a lot.
Some certifications to look out for are:
- Any level City and Guilds diploma in Health and Social Care
- NVQ Level 2 or 3 for Awareness in Dementia
- NVQ Level 2 or 3 Certificate in Dementia Care
- First Aid Training
That said, if your parent doesn’t have complex needs, don’t necessarily rule out people who don’t have a lot of experience or qualifications. A carer’s warmth, patience, and ability to connect with your parent can sometimes be just as important as formal credentials.
Beyond qualifications
Look at their work record, references and interests. Do they have any interests that might clash with your parent? Have they been with past employers for long periods, showing stability and commitment? Check their references to get a sense of their reliability and how they’ve interacted with previous clients.
Preparing ahead for the interview
Prepare a thorough list of questions, based on your parent’s needs and preferences, and anything you want to know about the carer. You should involve your parent in generating this list if possible.
You want to get an idea of their approach to daily tasks, and problem-solving abilities as well as their views on privacy and independence. Make sure to inquire about their flexibility and willingness to accommodate your parent’s lifestyle and interests.
Here are some questions you might consider:
- Have you cared for someone with similar conditions or needs to my parent?
- How do you approach building a relationship with someone you’re caring for?
- Can you describe a challenging situation you’ve faced as a carer and how you handled it?
- What is your approach to respecting a client’s privacy and independence?
- What types of activities do you enjoy doing with your clients?
- Are you comfortable with assisting in personal care tasks (e.g., bathing, dressing) if needed?
- How do you handle situations when a client is uncooperative or upset?
- How flexible are you with scheduling changes or emergencies?
- How do you like to communicate with family members or healthcare professionals?
- What TV shows or movies do you like to watch?
- Do you read? What sort of books do you like?
- Can you cook? What sort of food do you like to cook and eat?
- What do you enjoy most about being a carer?
Conducting the interview
Face-to-face, video or phone?
Whenever possible, conduct the interview face-to-face or via video call. Seeing someone’s body language and how they engage with you can offer valuable insights that a phone call just can’t. It’s in those small details – eye contact, facial expressions, their attentiveness – that you get a better sense of who they are. For an initial quick interview, a phone call might suffice, but ideally, you want to observe how they interact in person if they are going to be spending a lot of time with your parent.
How long should the interview be?
Aim for a balance – not too brief, but long enough to cover key areas (about 30–45 minutes). The longer part should include structured questions followed by a more informal chat to assess personality.
Look out for red flags
During the interview, be mindful of any red flags. Watch for signs of:
- Impatience or indifference: Are they dismissive of your questions or your parent’s needs?
- Lack of empathy: Watch how they talk about previous clients. Do they sound detached or overly clinical?
- Evasiveness: If they avoid answering questions or provide vague responses, this is a cause for concern.
- Rigidness: A good caregiver should be flexible and willing to adapt to the unique needs of your parent.
Leave time for an informal chat
To really get an insight into the person you are talking to, don’t dismiss having a more casual getting-to-know-you-better chat toward the end of the interview.
Ask them about their interests, hobbies, or previous caregiving experiences in a casual context.
Often, this part of the conversation can reveal whether they are genuinely interested in the role or simply seeking employment.
Introducing the prospective carer to your parent
Once you’ve found a promising candidate, arrange a second meeting with your parent present (if they didn’t join the first interview).
Before this introduction, prepare your parent. Discuss the caregiver’s qualifications and the reasons why you believe they’re a good fit. Encourage them to express their thoughts, both during and after the meeting. Open communication is key to ensuring a successful match.
During the meeting, observe how the caregiver interacts with your parent. Do they show genuine interest and respect? Are they patient and attentive? Do they speak to your parent in a natural, respectful manner, or do they use an overly simplistic or childlike tone?
The carer should put your parent at ease and make them feel comfortable with the idea of assistance.
In summary
Choosing a carer – the right carer – for your parent or elder relative is a process that requires careful consideration, empathy and a thorough understanding of their needs.
Remember that your parent’s well-being, privacy, and dignity are at stake.
Always put yourself in their shoes, be transparent about their needs, and involve them in the decision-making process as much as possible.
Common questions
How do I get a carer for my parents?
There are several ways to find a carer in the UK. Usually, people hire a carer through a specific care agency (where the carer is employed by the agency), or through an introductory agency (where the carer is self-employed).
Have a look at this article here for more detail on the different ways you can find a carer depending on your parent’s need and the urgency of the situation.
What to do if my elderly parent refuses help?
It’s not uncommon for elderly people to refuse help or struggle to accept that they need a carer, often due to feelings of pride or a desire to maintain their independence. Many older adults prefer to manage on their own or only want assistance from friends and family members, as they may fear losing control over their lives.
Acknowledge their feelings and concerns, and involve them in the decision-making process. You can frame having a carer as a way to maintain their independence and improve their quality of life, helping them remain in their own homes rather than stripping away their autonomy.
What to do if my parent and the carer don’t get along?
First, talk to both your parent and the carer to understand the issues. If you hired the carer through an agency, be sure to inform them as well. Sometimes, small adjustments in communication or expectations can resolve conflicts.
Ultimately, if the situation doesn’t improve, it may be best to find a different carer who is a better fit for your parent’s personality and preferences.
